I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
