margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
