he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
