he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize