Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
