the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
