At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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