Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize