All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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