i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
