i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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