Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
