I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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