i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
