Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think people are normalizing furries
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
