winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
