TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
