All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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