he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
