I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize