rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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