My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
