i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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