I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
