at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
