Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
