Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im holly from the hills drunk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
