im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
