ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
