i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
