Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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