hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I supernannyed him into submission
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
