lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
