i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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