So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
