The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
