P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
