Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
