You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
