Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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