just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
