he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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