i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
