There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
