I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
