You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
