I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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