Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
