Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
