I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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