You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So vagazzling was a success
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
