You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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