i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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