He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
