So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize