why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
