Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
