"it" just moved
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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