I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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