if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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