i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
