I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
